It's helpful to have a guideline (especially this time of year) like, “No treats until after dinner.” That way, you’ll be more easily able to turn down sweets all day, knowing you get to have some later. If you want dessert during the day, remind yourself, “I don’t need to eat this now, I know I get to have a treat after dinner. I can wait.”
Achieving a really big goal (like losing and maintaining weight) is really a matter of achieving many smaller goals along the way. This weekend, commit to a smaller goal, like eating everything sitting down or deciding in advance when and how many treats you’ll have. Eventually the small goals lead up to big ones!
If you’ve lost weight and then gained it back in the past, remember that if you want different results, you have to do things differently. Cutting out favorite foods and slashing calories to lose weight quickly ultimately won’t lead to permanent weight loss because it's not maintainable. This time, focus on making changes that you CAN maintain – which makes weight loss maintainable, too.
Sabotaging Thought: It’s okay to eat right now because I’m stressed and need a break.
Response: If I’m stressed, I deserve to relax and take a break. But since I also deserve to lose weight, have improved health, feel better about myself, etc. I need to find other ways to relax without turning to food. Eating in order to relax and losing weight are mutually exclusive goals. I can’t have both!
The better you feel about yourself, the better your holiday season will be. While you may think you’ll enjoy it more if you eat with abandon, likely you’ll feel badly and guilty if you do – which significantly diminishes enjoyment. This year, work on staying in control. This will help you feel better about yourself and your eating, and will help you enjoy the holiday season all the more.
If you want to lose weight, it’s extremely likely you can’t eat treats every time you see them during the holiday season. It’s important to remember that just because it’s the holidays, and just because the treats are there, does NOT mean you’re entitled to eat them each time you have the opportunity to do so.
The most successful dieters and maintainers are NOT those who never make mistakes – rather they are those who make mistakes and then get right back on track. You do not have to be perfect in order to lose weight and keep it off. What you do need is to be willing to accept mistakes and recover from them right away.
If you have the thought, “It’s okay to eat this because this one time doesn’t matter,” remind yourself that EVERY time matters because you’re either strengthening your resistance muscle or your giving-in muscle. Every time you’re either getting closer to or farther away from your goals. This weekend, work on making every time count in your favor!
Have you ever thought, “I can get away with not practicing some of my diet skills”? In fact you probably can get away with this – but only for a period of time, and at some point it WILL catch up with you. Achieving permanent weight loss means not trying to “get away” with things. It means accepting what you need to do and doing it.
This week I had a session with my dieter, Sarah. Although in recent weeks Sarah has been doing well with her dieting skills, she told me that one food in particular keeps tripping her up: french fries. Sarah has two young children and she and her family often go out to eat. Sarah told me that she usually goes into meals with the plan of not having any french fries, but more often than not ends up eating some off of her kids’ plates. Sarah told me that most children’s meals in restaurants come with french fries, and since her kids never finish what’s on their plates, the fries call out to Sarah until she eventually gives in and eats some.
When Sarah came to see me she was feeling distressed because, although she knew continually overeating fries was a problem, she didn’t know how to control herself around them. The first thing I discussed with Sarah is that she needs a French Fry Plan – she needs to plan in advance whether or not she’s going to have fries each time she eats out. I reminded Sarah that since she really likes fries, it’s not reasonable to expect that she’ll never eat any. The goal isn’t to never eat fries; rather it’s to plan in advance when she’s going to have them and when she’s not so she’s able to stay in control. This way, she doesn’t have to sit through meals looking at fries and struggling about whether or not to give in and have some, because the decision will already be made.
I also discussed with Sarah that during the meals when she plans to have fries, it’s crucial to order her own fries separately. Even if the meal she orders doesn’t come with fries and her kids’ meals do, she still needs to get her own side order. The reason for this is so that Sarah can start sending herself the message that it’s never okay to eat fries off her kids’ plates. If she’s going to eat fries, it means that she eats her own fries. This is important because if Sarah some of the time allows herself to eat her kids’ fries (and there leaves the possibility of doing so open), then they will continue to call out to her, even during meals when she’s planned to not have any. If Sarah has the rule, “I never eat fries off my kids’ plates,” then it will be much easier to resist every time they eat out because she won’t have to even consider (and therefore struggle about) whether or not to have some of theirs. Sarah and I discussed the fact that, while this may end up costing her a few extra dollars, it’s 100% worth it because it will drastically reduce her french fry struggle (not to mention helping Sarah reach her enormously important weight loss goals).
I then asked Sarah what sabotaging thoughts she is likely to have during the meals when she hasn’t planned to have fries but is tempted to do so. Sarah said that some of the thoughts she may have are, “I’ll just have one. One won’t matter,” and “I really like fries and I just want to eat them.”
In response to these sabotaging thoughts, Sarah made the following Response Cards:
By the end of session, Sarah had a very clear plan of how to deal with her french fry troubles. Here are the steps of her plan:
1. Always plan in advance whether or not to eat fries at any given meal.
2. When I am going to have fries, make sure to order my own.
3. Remember – the fries on my kids’ plates are completely off limits. I just never eat them.
4. Read my French Fry Response Cards before meals when I haven’t planned to have fries.
5. Enjoy meals out even more because I’ll no longer be struggling about whether or not to eat the fries on my kids’ plates.
The Beck Diet Program was developed by Dr. Judith S. Beck with Deborah Beck Busis, LCSW.
Beck Institute for Cognitive Behavior Therapy is a leading international source for training, therapy, and resources in CBT.
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